A couple of nights ago, my son and I were watching TV when he asked me: “Mommy, how did you learn to be a parent?”. It was completely out of the blue and it took me by surprise, but it got me thinking about my journey as a parent. I remember reading books while pregnant trying to learn as much as possible about being a parent (yes, I read “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” along with everyone else) and thinking how am I going to do this by myself? In all honesty, every book I read felt like it was geared towards two-parent households not a single mom. Luckily, my mom was with me for the first six months of my son’s life, and she was truly a Godsend. She kept me calm when we left the hospital and the reality of my new life set in. How was I going to do this by myself? I was one of those people who couldn’t keep a plant alive (I even killed a cactus once!) and now I was 100% responsible for another human being. Instead of helping, all that reading gave me more anxiety.
I still recall how paranoid I became after reading about SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) to the point that one night after checking on my son for the millionth time, I fell asleep bent over his crib with my hand on his chest so I could feel his breathing. I could barely move the next morning not to mention that I was so tired I couldn’t even function and I was scheduled to start a new job in a few weeks, so something had to give. I have a very overactive imagination, so it wasn’t easy to just turn my brain off and forget what I read. My solution was to have my son sleep on my chest which wasn’t ideal but at least allowed me to sleep a few hours per night. I know it sounds crazy and many may think that I could have made it worse if I inadvertently rolled on top of him, but I’m such a light sleeper that any movement had me fully awake. I was so worried about messing up that I was missing out on the joy of being a parent.
So, when I think about how I learned to be a parent, it has been by trial and error quite frankly. I have prayed for wisdom, relied on my mom for advice, leveraged some of what I read in books but most importantly, I followed my heart. Every decision I have made since becoming a parent has been about doing what I think is best for my son. It has been about creating a better life for our little family and giving my son the best experiences I’m able to. There is no perfect lesson or source of information on how to be a parent, single or not, as long as you love unconditionally, you’re doing a great job in your children’s eyes.
The Single Mom Life 